He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
