i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
