What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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