ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
