So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
