did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize