my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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