1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize