Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
