Cold hands, warm shart.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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