I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my sisters under your porch take her home
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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