hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
