Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
