Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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