Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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