I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
