I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
