operation have a gay friend backfired
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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