I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
