so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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