a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize