Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
