his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
