He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't notice because vodka
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
