You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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