Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
