ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
