How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
