It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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