Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
