just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
