I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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