Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
