I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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