Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I faked an abortion last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
