I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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