So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
