my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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