she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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