Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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