Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
