they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
