I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
