Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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