I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
