the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
