I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
