Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
