thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
