my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
