My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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