WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
