how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
