I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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