Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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