Cold hands, warm shart.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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