My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
