My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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