I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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