You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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