Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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