he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
