i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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