someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
