i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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